Preface and Chapter 1

Here are Allen's Comments along with mine - in [ ] brackets

In the preface a statement caught my attention:
"If you have ever hungered for deeper relationships with other believers, perhaps you are ready to realize the difference between going to church and being the church"
That is a huge statement! going and being?
[ holy cow! that was a good statement - i was struck by how often we think that going and completing the task or fulfilling the duty is what constitutes church. 'being' is a great definition/word/illustration. I was listening to the new 'downhere' CD in which one of the songs is about that we are a 'Cathedral of People - not a building seen by human eyes'. It reminded me of 2 Cor 3:2-3 - we are living letters written on hearts]

pg 16 ..... many of us protect ourselves from the kind of friendships that connect us deeply with others.
[ i also marked this passage. I found it interesting that he remarks it is b/c of pain from past experiences and we end up conflicted. Good stuff]

pg 17 healthy relationships......are created by capturing Jesus' heart for life-changing relationships -
[I marked this too! How much have we captured Jesus' heart? I wish I have captured more.]

Story of Zacchaeus made me think of people we had went to church with at Northland. There was a couple that was unusual and thought of that way by most. they wanted to have lunch with us but we always found a reason not to. Looking back I wonder if we had missed out a blessing.

pg 18- ...... people who say they love you but only so long as you benefit them.
[Yep - sucks doesn't it. I wrote in my book on this point: Could this be an issue for a 'needs' based church approach? This continued on pg 19 where we have to move beyond task oriented relationships. I was struck by this. how many relationships do I have that are task oriented. I'm only in a relationship with them b/c it revolves around a task. AND how am I treating those in whom I don't have a task relationship?]

pg 19 .....we can escape the trap only by living the way Jesus did, not trying to get love for ourselves, but learning how to share it with others.

Discussion questions:
1> Think of one of the most significant relationships you have had in your life other than immediate family. Share about that person briefly and tell what made the relationship so special. Lloyd- my dad's cousin- he accepted me as I was. after a time of being together trust was built and being able to talk about anything was nature.
[Mike Hayes - he helped me understand what a prayer relationship with Jesus is all about and that I could talk about anything, especially beyond 'churchy' talk.]
2> think of one incident in that relationship that illustrates what you valued most about that person. what about friendship did you learn from the incident? he allowed me to have the feelings I did withouth judging me, rather he tried to influence me in ways that helped me see things the way Christ would see them. I learned that he cared enough about me to help me see life through the eyes of Christ.
[I grew to be able share aspects of my life not only with Christ but also as open confession or expression before brothers in Christ]
3> Make a list from these stories that defines what your group has already learned about the attributes of friendship. acceptance, listening, honesty,
[oooh - totally agree on the acceptance one. especially when hearing tough things. Integrity was another.]
4> How does this list relect the ways God has expressed his love to you? Which of these would you like to see in your relationships with other believers as well? God is willing to accept me with all my junk, He listens to my plies for forgiveness, and He honestly tells me the things I need to hear about life. Certainly I would like to have my believing friends to be the same way- and vise versus! I need to be accepting, listen, and be honest.
[absolutely agree! I will comment on this in the next chapter]

Hope you weekend with the outdoor enthusist(sp?) went well! I'm be excited to hear about it! Did we talk about getting together this week? [Great time - a little rainy.We did not talk about getting together. What does your schedule look like right now? Are Wed mornings good?PLUS - we have kittens now - 2 of them 'Simba' and 'Cleo' short for cleopatra.]

Have a great week brother.